Proverbs 29:17 Correct your son and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul. It is a common error for parents to think that if they discipline their children, they will not like them later in life. This is especially the case when at the time of the discipline the child makes a comment to the effect that they hate you. Another winner at this juncture is when a child announces in overdramatic fashion that you are ruining their life. Let me assure you from having reared 6 children of all personality types - when you discipline them you are not ruining their lives. What you are doing is insuring that at a later date you will find comfort and delight in a child who knows how to control himself and make wise choices. Correcting your son involves discipline. The word here is "yasar" and it means to discipline, chasten, instruct, teach, and even punish. This process of correction therefore takes into account all the aspects of rearing a child. It means so much more than just spanking or punishing a child when they do wrong. It involves instructing and teaching them even as you chasten and punish them. It is not enough to tell a child something is bad - you have to eventually explain why something is bad or a wrong choice. When you do this, you take the time to encourage them toward godly, right behavior. When you rear a child in this fashion you will find that your son gives you two wonderful things. First, we are told that he gives us "comfort." The word here means to give someone a sense of rest and repose. It can also mean a rest in the way you feel when you are satisfied with something. A well-disciplined child, although a chore during the process, will give a parent rest as they make godly, wise choices later in life. I know from a little experience and from helping others that when a child makes unwise choices - it can rob you of any sense of rest or relaxation. Some parents seem to spend a majority of their latter years rescuing a child from one disaster after another. That is not rest! The second blessing that comes to parents who correct their children is delight. The Hebrew word here is "ma'aden" and it means something of beauty or when referring to food, something that tastes wonderful. One of the blessings that I have is that of thoroughly enjoying my children. We have 6 of them - and they are a delight to the soul of their mother and father. When they visit we speak deeply of spiritual things - and we have a blast together - often laughing and enjoying each other's company. That is what is promised here. Now just a word in closing on this proverb. The delight often comes later in life - because rearing a child is a full contact sport! There were many times when we struggled to know what to do - and how to deal with rebellion in our children. There were times when my wife and I were dropped to our knees in broken-hearted prayer on their behalf. We both know that the reason they are godly today is because of God's grace and mercy - not our wonderful, book worthy parenting. So do not lose heart if at first you read this and wonder about such words as comfort and delight. That comes after you've spent 15-20 years of work together rearing them - praying for them - and often wondering what may become of them. That part is the "correcting" phase. It is not always delightful - but is very useful to God not only to bless your children - but to drop you to your knees for a few times of God's work in you as well. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended.
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She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. Proverbs 31:13-16
The godly woman as represented here in Proverbs 31 is a lady who enjoys working with her hands, with her mind, and with her physical strength in order to bless her household. In verse 13 we see where she enjoys working with her hands. She is skilled enough to discover the kind of wool and flax that will make good clothing for her family - and even possibly items that she could sell to others. When she discovers these things, she then delights in doing busy work - working hard with her hands as she makes things for others. This evidences both a willingness to work hard - and a willingness to make things for others rather than focus all her time upon herself. This she does "willingly" which is what the word "delight" means in this passage. It speaks of her as being a worker who does what she does not because of complusion or by being forced - but simply because she desires to do these things. This blessed lady also delights in providing meals for her loved ones. These meals are not just the normal fare of everyday life - although I am sure that these are included in what she does for her family. Verses 14 reveals that she delights in "bringing her food from afar" like a merchant would do so. This paints a picture for us of how she delights to cook and provide meals for her family. She works hard at making things more exciting and varied for her husband and children. She is not focused on just the "ready-made" stuff that she can pick up in a box (although that was not the case in this day) - but she brings her food from even far off for the benefit of those she loves. Verse 15 shows us that she uses her head as she manages a household not just with her family, but also her servants. She rises before dawn to make sure that all those in her care are blessed. This means not just her children, but even her servants. She is there to give sustenance to her family - but also to her maidens who work for her in the household. Verse 16 shows us that this lady is also financially savvy. Here we see that she takes the time to consider a field in which she desires to plant a vineyard. Here she is making decisions that involve knowledge of agriculture and of real estate. What land would be best for the purpose of planting, tending, and therefore profiting from a vineyard. As she does this, we can see that from the earnings that she has already gained from previous wise financial decisions, she purchases land for a new venture. She is wanting to continue to prosper her family and is working toward that end. She is doing this with money "she" has earned - thus we see that her husband trusts her fully with financial means - and however she started these ventures - now she has earned sufficiently enough to pursue them solely on the basis of money she has earned doing other things. What we come away with in all these verses about the godly woman is that she is not at all one-dimensional. Some would teach Proverbs 31 as if a godly woman is all about "God-stuff" like Bible study, prayer, etc. But such a division in an understanding of godliness and especially the godliness of this godly woman is a false dichotomy. Her life is more than just "church" activity. She is wise in every respect - religiously, financially, managerially, and even with a wonderful business sense. Thus we see that godliness covers far more than just the usual categorizations. This lady is wise in every respect. But then again maybe that is why she is praised so highly - because her benefit to the family covers a multitude of blessings that come to them from her. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12
The book of Proverbs speaks to us of the virtuous woman - whom we call the Proverbs 31 woman. Here we learn how her husband feels about her. We see that his heart trusts her. What a wonderful statement. It is one thing to say that we think we can trust someone - but quite another to say that our heart trusts in them. That is saying that to the very core of our being we know that we can trust this person. The heart was considered the very core of the man in Jewish thought. Therefore to say that the heart of her husband trusts her is to say that at the very center and base of this man's inner core he knows that he can have a reliance on his wife to support and to be there for him. Even more importantly he knows that her heart belongs to the Lord - so that he can absolutely trust her to do good and to seek the very best for all in the family. The man who has such a godly woman who seeks the best for her husband and her family will also be blessed with the prosperity of having no lack of gain from her efforts for them. This is a lady who has the very best interests for her family - God's interests if you will allow me to insert what is being inferred by this passage. The gain here is not just riches - although this particular lady is quite the businesswoman for her family. The gain involves some things - but more importantly it involves goods, her service, and the spirit that is in the home because of her ministry and her heart. Do not discount this aspect of bringing gain to a family. There are blessings and benefits that the spirit of a home give to a husband and children that cannot be matched by any amount of money. In a day when so many do not have peace - and too many children go to homes where there is far more turmoil than rest - we do not see like we used to the vaule of a woman who focuses the major part of her life on her husband and family. Feminist groups denigrate such women, yet to those men who have such a godly lady in their midst - they are worth gold, jewels, and riches to them. The godly woman does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. The word for good used here is "tob" which means to be happy, to be pleased, to be loved, favored - and is also used to speak of doing well and right. Oh, what blessings there are for a godly woman who does her husband and family good. They know the joy of having a godly mom and wife - which means that she works to make a happy home - a loved home - a home which is pleasing to God - a favored home. She lives her live to make sure that what her family sees her doing is what is well and right in the eyes of God. The word used for evil here is the classic biblical word, "ra" which speaks of misery, injury, calamity, evil, and distress. This lady shuns such things for her family's sake. She works to bring God's good to them and to make sure that the work of the enemy s fought at every turn. As a result she is a guard and protector for her loved ones. This bent in her is why her husband's heart knows that only what is best will happen in their home due to her efforts. He trusts her - and also considers her the greatest of blessings to him and to their family. And since her heart is heavily bent toward not just good things (by whoever decides to define the good) but good as defined by God - there is no hidden cost that will come with the ways that she works to bless her family. If you have such a woman in your home and life - consider yourself to be supremely blessed. Pray that your daughters will strive to be such a woman - and that God will bless your sons with one of these women as a wife. To have such a lady at the core of a home-life is a blessing given by God - and one that is only bested by salvation itself. The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her rejoice who gave birth to you. Proverbs 23:24-25
God has blessed my wife and I with 6 children, of which 2 of them are sons. Our testimony as a family is an interesting one because it involves being caught up in religious, church-y living - and then later being in relationship with a very merciful, loving God. Please bear with me, because all this actually relates to the proverb for today. Solomon tells us that the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who sires a wise son will be glad in him. At present I am the father of two sons who are righteous - and who are seeking to live their lives according to God's wisdom. Oh, by the way - I also greatly rejoice in God's goodness for giving me such sons. To write such things can be extremely dangerous, so let me explain what all this means - giving all the glory to God. I am a pastor. I have been one for some 20+ years. During that time God has been very gracious to me - showing me mercy extensively in the midst of a great deal of stupidity. There were times that I was so given to "the ministry" that I did not love my family as I should have loved them. I also was so caught up in trying to have a "great church" in the eyes of men - that I was a horrible example of what a man of God should be - not just to my family, but to the people of Calvary Chapel. A lot of this came crashing down when a biblical discipline situation arose in our fellowship - and spiritual carnage resulted. What I (and yes I emphasize I) had built came crashing down just like Jesus said it would in Matthew 7:27-28. This not only happened at the church, but my own sons were rejecting it as well. Then God broke me - wonderfully, graciously, mercifully broke me. I spent about 2 months weeping, confessing sin to my wife and my children - and to the church as well. It was during that time that I laid all my plans for me being a great pastor and preacher at the feet of Jesus - and decided I just wanted to love, know, and obey Him. God was so merciful in responding that the repentance and brokenness by drawing my two sons to Himself and making them righteous through faith in Jesus Christ. He slowly began to transform my sons, my family, and the fellowship He so graciously allowed me to continue to pastor. We are far from perfect - but as long as we seek Him and do what He says - things will go well. This Proverb says that the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice. That does not mean that the father rears his sons to be righteous in themselves - for that would only be self-righteousness. He rears his sons to see that the only way they can be righteous is to turn in repentance and faith to Jesus Christ. Having their righteousness in Him - they can begin to walk as godly men - looking to and trusting Him at all times. What the father seeks to do is to be sure that he has "wise" sons. Since we know that wisdom is seeing all things from God's perspective - and making choices according to that way of seeing things - this means that his boys learn to have a biblical worldview, and live according to God's will rather than their own. If a father sees this - he rejoices. That wonderful gift has been given to me two times over. It also has been given to me in spite of my early years of stupidity and self-driven living. The writer of Proverbs says to the sons that they should let their father and mother be glad - especially the mother who gave birth to them. Too many children spend their lives trying to please their parents by doing whatever they want them to do. That may seem like a contradiction to what I just said - but it is not. If a parent is wise in the way that they rear their child, they will make certain that their child knows that the most important thing in life is to live by God's will - not just by what their parents desire. Of course, this includes the commandment to honor and obey parents. But a wise mom and dad are certain to direct their child only to hear their voice as a precursor to listening to God's voice. The wise parent also knows that during their teen years their children need to transition from just listening to a parent - to listening to God and doing as He says. A child who remains dependent upon a parent throughout their lives will not be a wise child. They have to come to the point of starting their own family - and rearing another generation of kids who start by listening to their parents, and who later in life transfer that teachability to God's voice and the Scriptures. My wife and I have strived to do this with our children. We've failed as often as we've succeeded - with all successes being due to following God's counsel. But know this - it is not easy - and parenting is not for cowards. If you do this properly - your children will marry - and will leave the home. If we rear them to treasure the gospel and take seriously their responsiblity to God and to the world for proclaiming it - there is a good chance they may take seriously that command to go to all the nations. We've already watched three do this - and a fourth is probably on her way. That means as we rejoice, there is also a little bit of heart-ache as we send them to the ends of the earth - not knowing if they will ever return. But then again, what greater joy can we have as parents than to follow the example of God Himself, Who gave His Son away so that the nations might be saved? An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. Proverbs 31:10
We begin with this verse our introduction into what many call the Proverbs 31 woman. This first verse in this section lets us know the women we are going to get to know. We are also told the worth of such a woman. The Proverbs 31 woman is called "an excellent wife." The word "excellent" is the Hebrew word "chayil." It speaks of someone who has strength, efficiency, capability, power, and substance. The word, according to Zhodiates, hsa the babsic idea of strength and influence. The word is used of individual, nations, and even armies. What is being said here is that this is a strong woman - but her strength is from her character and her godly practices. That will be apparent as we look further into this section of Scripture in future posts. The excellent wife is the wife who is both strong and influential. When speaking of a woman this word often speaks of a virtuous character. That is the kind of woman who is an excellent wife. She is one who has a strength and power that comes from godly character traits. She draws her strength from her relationship with God - and views her family as the first and foremost place where that strength is spent. Throughout this section of Scripture we read how she works to bless and build up her family. The praise she receives in this passage comes primarily from her husband and her children. This is the praise that she desires. Before we are through with this passage we will see this godly lady doing a wide variety of things with her time and her energy. Chief though in all of them is that she fears the Lord. Her lifestyle choices therefore are not directed by worldly influences. They are directed by a desire to glorify and honor God. If she can accomplish this - she is happy. She views being a wife and mother as the two highest callings that she could ever receive. She also views those callings from a biblical vantage point. That means, to put it bluntly, that she is not influenced by the National Organization of Women - or any other organization that views femininity with suspicion. Such a woman, according to Proverbs, has a worth far above jewels. Her worth to her husband is incalculable - even though some well-meaning folks have tried to figure out how much we would pay to have someone do what a stay at home mother does. The cost of that estimate was in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. But what we cannot figure into any monetary value is the stability and the grace that a godly wife brings to her family. We also cannot imagine the costs that would be incurred to future generations if that godly influence were not in the home. Godly wives are a blessing as well spiritually (in fact that is where their greatest value is seen) which is something we cannot rate in dollars and cents. Suffice it to say that a godly wife and mother is worthy far more than any army of accountants could figure out in the end. If you have one - as either a wife or a mom - you should be eternally grateful! Bind them continually on your heart; Tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you. Proverbs 6:21-22
There is such a blessing that comes from the teaching of Godly parents. They can bless us so much - if - we do not blow it by not taking what they say to us seriously. This is why Solomon told us in this proverb that we need to take these things and bind them on our hearts and tie them around our necks. This admonition to keep these teachings and truths on our heart and around our neck are both pictures of giving them a high place in our lives. This same admonition is given in Proverbs 1:8 about a parent's teaching - as well as in Proverbs 3:3 where it speaks about what we should do with kindness and truth in our lives. There are some things that we need to value as highly as possible. One of those things is the teaching of a godly father and mother. We are told in verse 22 that if we do this we will have a protection service that will function in our lives. We are told first that as we walk about these things will guide us. Consider how often you would be guided if you took the advice of a very godly set of parents. I can think of at least several serious disasters and problems I would not have if I had followed my father's advice on some financial matters. This is why, as parents, we need to be sure to teach our children the Scriptures and use them as the wisdom that we pass on to them. The wisdom of God's Word would guide our children everywhere that they go! The second blessing mentioned here is that as we sleep, these teachings and truths will watch over us. The word for "watch over" here is the Hebrew word "shamar" which means to watch over so as to protect. Whether you realize it or not, decisions you make are working either for or against you even as you sleep. Consider a financial decision to make a foolish investment. This investment is working even when you are asleep either to earn money or to watch it drop in value. In much the same way, decisions for godliness are working for us - even as we sleep. Following the godly advice of our parents will be working for us even as we are sleeping in our beds. Associations with others that might harm us - stopped by following godly advice. Decisions to invest in education - in a godly work ethic - to marry the right person - to live for the things of the Lord - all working marvelously for us every day we are alives. The final blessing mentioned here is that as we wake up - these things will be speaking to us. I remember a friend who has a godly mother who said to me that some of the things she hears that bless her - usually come in the sound of her mother's voice in her head. That is the value of what a parent teaches to a child when they take the time to teach them the Word of God. There are times we will hear them at a crossroads decision - and their counsel will be sweet to us. That is why we need to value you it like we would value some of our most prize possessions. Just a note as we come to the close of this particular proverb. As this proverb is true of a parent's teaching - it is even more true about the teaching and training of our heavenly father. His Word will bless us in the very same way - except with eternal blessings. How we need to heed Colossians and let that Word dwell "RICHLY" in our hearts. If we do - we will have God's Word lead us, watch over us, and speak to us all day long. What a blessing! My son, observe the commandment of your father And do not forsake the teaching of your mother; Proverbs 6:20
How does a father and a mother work together to rear their children for the Lord? That is a good question to ask, and one that is often overlooked as we kind of stumble along in the paths of parenthood. But believe it or not, the book of Proverbs has a proverb that instructs us on this matter - and does so very well. We would be wise to listen to this counsel - and begin to pattern our parenting upon its precepts. Here in Proverbs 6:20, we have an interesting statement made that gives a role to both the father and the mother in giving wisdom to their children. The first thing we read here is that a son should observe the commandment of his father. Observe here is the Hebrew word "natsar" which means to watch, to guard, or to keep. The word had several uses, but came to us from the military world where the idea of watching was prominent. When a soldier was put on watch - it was his duty to scan the horizon and be ready at an instant to warn the troops of a sneak attack - or a full scale assault. Were he to fall asleep at his post - the entire regiment would be at risk of being overrun and destroyed. The word was then carried over into the idea of ehtics and watchfulness over God's or other's commands. Here is spoke of a watchfulness for the purpose of being faithful to the command - as well as an ethical watch over one's own behavior so that the command was carried out with careful obedience. The son is called to have this kind of watching when it came to his father's commandments. As you can imagine, the word "commandments" is the normal word "mitsvah" which is the most common word for a commandment or a statute given to someone. It is the word used of the 10 commandments - and the same word used most often to speak of God's law. It is also part of the word for "barmitzvah" that speaks of the ceremony at age 13 when a Jewish boy was considered a man. He was considered such because he was taking on the full responsibility of the Law of God. Barmitzvah literally means, "son of the law" or "son of the commandments." The father calls his son to obey the commandments that he gives him. If a man is wise - he will make his commandments very similar to those God gives us. Flood a boy with too many commandments and he will lose heart trying to remember and keep all of them. But when we give a child limitations and wise standards by which to live - he will be far more secure. Just a warning though to the father who thinks that he can "christianize" his kids by the way he rears them. The Law was meant to show us that we are sinners. No matter how wonderfully you rear your children, they will still have to come to Christ to be saved and redeemed from their sinful, rebellious ways. Yet, a wise man will knows the value of setting godly standards for his children. A son would also be wise - very wise if he takes his father's commandments and seeks to govern his behavior by them. Most young people (and by the way I definitely include myself in my younger years) have a basic disdain for their parents commandments. That is a perfect way of seeing how sin and how the fall have affected our lives. Wisdom tells us that those older than us are also usually wiser than us. The only time a child can say that he is as wise as his elders is when he loves God's Word and seeks to know it with great passion. Then Psalm 119 makes a promise that God's Word makes him wiser even than his elders. (Just a brief word of wisdom though - if you do know the Word very well - you will also approach your elders with it with humility and grace - not with arrogance and a sense of superiority - that kind of attitude pretty much shows that you've descended back into foolishness again.) The mother's role is given next. This verse says to us that the son also should not forsake the teaching of his mother. The word forsake means just that - to forsake or to reject something. Here it refers to the "teaching" of his mother. The word "teaching" here is the Hebrew word, "torah." It meant something that was taught - but more along the lines of giving specific instruction or direction to someone. So we see an interesting thing here. The father gives the basic commands to his son, but the mother then works with him to see how they are applied to everyday situations and in everyday life. She takes the basic law given by the dad - and adds additional instruction and help in seeing how to walk in those commands each day. Since the father usually has to go to work and be gone throughout much of the day, the mother then takes over the work of instructing and helping the sons and daughters grasp and understand how it is the father desires for them to live. She makes his commandments into practical choices and works hard to teach those choices to the children. What is fascinating to me as I look at this verse is that this is how Jewish religion is set up. They have the Law (mitzvah) which is given by God the Father. They also have the instruction (the torah) which is given by the rabbis who teach the Law to the people. They took this very concept and used it to set up their entire teaching system that they use with their people. This works wonderfully - until the rabbis begin to have their teaching pervert the actual Law upon which it was based. This is true also in families where mother and father are not on the same page in rearing their children. Either the dad or mom is too strict - or too lenient, and the other decides to modify what they view as an unrealistic view by changing things themselves. This leads to chaos in the child's mind - and the unique ability to play one parent against the other. Regardless - the result is usually bad. The wise son is the one who listens well to his parents - and who takes both the command of the dad - and the teaching of the mom - and uses it to make wise decisions in life. May we be so blessed as to have fathers that will lead wisely and godly - moms that will teach according to his commandments - and children who in turn will know the right way to walk because they have heard it from their parents. She is now in the streets, now in the squares, And lurks by every corner. Proverbs 7:12
In chapter 7 of Proverbs we are examining the adulterous woman. As we do this we are learning to contrast her actions and lifestyle with what the Scriptures call a godly woman to be. This particular verse may wind up being controversial in what it teaches us. But that is only because we don't teach what the Scriptures say to the women in the church any longer due to the effect of the doctrines of the women's liberation movement. Now that I've opened the proverbial can of worms - let's take a look at today's verse in Proverbs. One of the descriptions of the adulteress is that she is not at home, but instead is all over town. She's in the streets, the squares - and then we read that she "lurks" by every corner. First let's deal with the fact that she is all over town. The Scriptures teach us that a godly woman is a "worker at home." In Titus 2 we read that the older women should be teaching the younger women to love their hustands, love their children, to be sensible, pure, kind, and workers at home. The church has moved away from such teaching because the women's lib movement has made enough noise to make such teaching uncomfortable in today's society. We are considered "out of touch" if we teach such things. We are told that we should realize that a woman can do anything a man can do - and that she should be liberated from her enslavement to the dungeon of the home. What I find fascinating is that Paul begins this section of his letter to Titus by saying that he is to "speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine." This is not a matter of cultural preference - but a matter of sound doctrine. When we do not teach these things in the church - in the way specificed by Paul (i.e. the older woman teaching the younger women) the end will be that the Word of God will be dishonored. The other thing I find fascinating is that for all the so-called liberating that has been done for women - they are still finding that they desire husbands and children. They still find the greatest satisfaction (as well as the greatest challenge) in loving a husband and loving their children. Where this is happening we are also finding that there is the greatest stability provided for children and society to flourish. The adulteress is not for this lifestyle of staying at home - or at least seeing her life's work there with her husband and her children. The Hebrew here is so descriptive. With short phrases we read that she is now in the streets - then now in the squares - and as she lives this jet-setting life all over town - she tends to lurk by the corners. What is being said is that she is not content being in the home. She wants her own life and her own way. Hopefully we are learning from Scripture that the worst thing for us is to constantly "get our way." This woman does not want the home-based life - the family-based life. She wants to be out and about - doing and being everywhere. She's in the streets and in the squares - and we should note that it seems that nothing of any real use is being accomplished. She's just hanging out - out of the home. This is NOT good for a woman - or - for a man for that matter. Now before someone begins to protest that I'm suggesting that a woman be a slave to her house - I want to offer a few comments here on the godly woman. Proverbs 31 presents to us the godly woman. When you read that passage you come away with anything BUT a woman enslaved to her home. She is out and about at times - but not without a purpose. She is out and about doing things for her family. She is out and about serving her home. You would probably see her in the streets and squares as well - but not just "lurking" about by every corner. She is accomplishing things - buying and selling - getting things for her husband and her children. She is overseeing servants who work with her to make her house into a home. The problem is not being out of the house - it is being out of the house for no real apparent reason. We've got far too much "hanging out" going on in our society. Too often our men, women, and children are living their lives to "hang out" rather than to accomplish something. Ever notice that those who are "hanging out" tend to get into far more trouble than those who have a purpose and are "getting out" to accomplish that purpose? This is the fundamental problem with the adulteress. She is "lurking out" rather than "living out." Let me explain. When we "lurk out," we are wasting our time with no real purpose in view. Actually those who "hang out" and "lurk out" are saying that they are either looking for something to do - or - they don't have anything to do. Because this is their situation, they are going somewhere to "hang out." Believe me that when this is your normal mode of life - you will eventually get into trouble. An idle life is the devil's/flesh's playground. Spend enough time with no purpose and no place to go - and the flesh or the devil will begin making suggestions. Live like this and the world system (which is under the devil's control) will offer a direction - and it is a bad one. For the adulteress woman (as well as the fool she seduces) her time spent "lurking out" looking for something to do - it ends in the sin of adultery. We need to "live out" our days. What I mean by this is that we learn to live in God's will - fulfilling His purposes for our lives. This is a life spent seeking to know God - and follow what He desires for our lives. When we live like this, we will go out like everyone else. But the time we go out will be spent accomplishing the things God desires for us to do. There will be a purpose to our going out. We will be "living out" the will of God. We will be living to bring glory to God as we take the time He's given us and put it to good use. In the end His purposes will not just keep us out of trouble - they will be lived out to where we have a life filled with purpose and meaning. This is a far better way to live than just "hanging out" or "lurking out" to see what the world, the devil, and our flesh bring us to do. Wisdom is living a life. Wisdom is a life lived on purpose. Just hanging out will turn to just lurking out - and just lurking out will be a life lived for the wrong purposes. Be wise and live life on purpose - God's purpose. Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Here is probably one of the most well known proverbs that there is. It has to deal with how to rear a child. Too often it is quoted more like, raise up a child and church - and he won't rebel or depart from going to church or doing the church thing. Many a devastated parent reads this verse and wonders why little Johnny doesn't go to church any longer - or want anything to do with the Lord. Let's take a close look at this verse to see what is DOES say and what is DOES NOT say to us as we seek to rear our children for the Lord. The word train is very important to know here - as we see that the "training" of the child in the way he should go is imperative to the blessing of him not departing from that way when he is old. This word is the Hebrew word, "chanak" which means to train or to dedicate. The root word for "chanak" means to narrow something - thus to initiate, discipline, or train it to that narrow path. Ah, here we begin to see what God is saying to us about child training. We are to narrow the child's way - by training and instruction - so that the child's way conforms itself to God's way. This narrowing had to do with the opening of a path. It was a constricting of that opening so that someone went a specific way as they sought to enter the path before them. Let's take a moment and talk about how this is applied to child training. When we talk about "narrowing" a child's way - we are talking about discipline. When they are little it means instructing - but also if necessary corporal punishment (spanking if you will) in order to train the child that there are certain things you just do not do. If you choose to do these things there will be punishment. It means we MUST correct our children when they act out in a way that is contrary to God's way. When we refuse to do this - we are not helping our child find his way - we are confusing them. Study after study has shown that children desire boundaries - and that they will test the ones that are imposed to see if they are truly boundaries or not. Create godly boundaries for a child (oh, and by the way, live by them yourself as well) and a child will have a great deal of stability in his or her life. In many ways, to rear a child in this way is simply to prepare him for a life of discipleship later. Jesus calls us to "Make disciples of all the nations." This means our own children as well. When we teach them that disicpline is the "way of life," we prepare them for the reality that reward and punishment - really are the way of life. They will face such things all the remainder of their days. It is best to begin young teaching them such things - and showing them through our discipline that there are very real consequences for actions outside of the Scriptures. Too many see child reading in this permission society as letting a child find his own way in the world without the parents doing much to get in his way. This is a sure way to lose a child - to have them follow after their own sinful nature and ruin themselves by indulging their flesh and walking in an ungodly path. Adam Clarke spoke of this passage as teaching a child how to narrow the opening of his path so that he was directed in God's way, no matter what chioce he had to make. Clarke spoke of how we needed to show the child the path - instruct him on the duties, dangers, and blessings of the path - and then do all we can do guide the child so that he takes God's path. Thus when a child faces the reality of life in this world - and the choices that are placed before Him - then that child will be able to reason from the Scriptures and know how to conduct himself or herself in the world. We are told to train up this child in the "way" he should go. Way is our old Hebrew friend, "derek" and it means a path, a way - and was probably the word used most often to speak of choices someone would make that would lead to a lifestyle - or way of living. Note here that we are to train up this child to the lifestyle and way - the path of life in which he "SHOULD" go. Here we face a very serious problem when we present this to the average worldling of today. A way in which someone "should go" indicates that one way is superior to another - something this world finds anathema to their worldview. They think all lifestyles and all paths are the same. Thus to say a child has a way he "should go" rather than to just let the child find his own way and follow his own heart until he knows his own path - that is nothing more than legalism and a domineering way of rearing a child. The worldling parent is not supposed to care if the child goes in a way that is not acceptable to the parent. The child will find his own way - and besides, it is the height of arrogance to think we KNOW how someone should go! The Bible has a much different view here. God gives us a Law that guides us into the right way and away from the wrong way. There are certain moral choices that are soundly right - and others that are horribly wrong. There are choices in the area of sexuality that are the right way to live - and others that are wrong (not just an alternate lifestyle - just wrong). Taking the time to teach a child these ways - and guide them into these paths - that is what child training is all about. There is a right way - God's way - and that is how we are to teach our children to walk. We are to train them that right way - and also to instruct them on the consequences of walking in the wrong way. We should show them, not just God's instructions, but also God's judgments on certain ways of living and certain choices that they might make. Then there is the promise. It is a bold promise. Even when he is old he will not depart from it. As the child grows older - with instruction, discipline, warnings, encouragements and everything else a parent should use to teach him - that child will not depart from God's way. The example of the parent is also vital here because we teach not just with words - but with our actions as well. When they see these things - hear these things - watch these things modeled before them - then then will know the way in which to walk. This proverb involves so much more than just taking a child to church and youth group. It involves serious child training using God's Word as our blueprint. It involves selling out on how we live ourselves and laboring to teach our children God's Word on morals and meaning. We labor - striving to show them God's way - striving to help them see the forks in the road - but also the consequences of taking the wrong turn there. These are the things that matter if we are to be successful in rearing children for the Lord. If we instruct and lead in a way that narrows their choices into the wise and godly way - we can be assured that when they grow old, they will not depart from the way in which they were instructed. It is a promise that God's way - taught in God's way - modeled in God's way - will provide results as a child chooses His way as His own way in life. POSTSCRIPT: Recently, individuals have quoted articles from this section and stated that we teach child abuse at Calvary Chapel Jonesboro. To this I feel the need to respond. First, biblically, we are told that if we have a problem with our brother to go to our brother - not the internet - and confront our brother. To date, these individuals have yet to contact me to discuss these things. That should say volumes in itself. Second, we do not teach child abuse at our fellowship. This blog is an endeavor to teach what is in the Bible for the edification and upbuilding of God's people. Anyone who has been to our fellowship knows that in our classrooms we administer NO physical discipline. We correct with words and with "time outs" and eventually with a report to parents. From our nursery throughout every age group our people are instructed NEVER to administer physical discipline. We believe this right alone belongs to a parent. Even then we teach the following about any application of physical discipline. Discipline is about the heart of a child. Physical or corporal punishment is ONLY to be administered in a spirit of love for the child. Teaching and loving verbal correction is key - as is prayer for the child's eventual salvation in Jesus Christ. Any physical punishment administered due to anger or rage is out of line and wrong. The parent is to discipline the child with appropriate discipline - not abuse. In the end the child should be taught - and in every circumstance hugged, loved, and prayed with after any physical punishment to assure them of our love. The idea of a "beating" is completely out of step with what the Scriptures are teaching. Instead the idea of loving discipline is intended. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
How would you describe an excellent wife? There is a loaded question if there ever was one - especially when a man is trying to answer that question. Men would answer this question any number of ways. Some would refer to an excellent wife solely by referring to her looks. By the way, this would be a very shallow answer - but one nevertheless. To the man wanting a trophy wife this would be his only consideration. Another man might want a good cook - still another a companion. This is why it is so difficult to answer this question. That is why a proverb like this one is valuable - because it helps us understand the proper way to answer this question biblically. This removes all selfishness and self-centeredness out of the equation - and turns us to God's answer for this question. It will also keep many of us men out of serious hot water when we answer this - and do so without thinking much (which is how we men too often answer things when it comes to the issue of women). The Bible speaks of an "excellent wife" here. What does that mean? The word is actually "chayil" in the Hebrew which when referring to women speaks of a woman with virtuous character. This was the word that was used to describe Ruth in Ruth 3:11. All the people of the city considered her an excellent and virtuous woman. She obtained this testimony because of her character and godliness. The Proverbs 31 woman is also referred to as a woman of excellence as well. Her character speaks well of her - not just in how she treats her husband and children - but also in how she is a hard working, godly woman, whose heart is set on doing well for her family. Their praise of her at the latter end of her days is well-deserved. The second thing we learn of this excellent wife is that she is the crown of her husband. The idea here is that her life and strength of character makes her husband personally proud - and brings him honor as others see her in the community. She adds dignity to his life - not shame. The second half of this proverb points to a shameful wife. We are told that the wife who shames her husband is like rottenness in his bones. Shame here means to act shamefully or to put someone to shame by their behavior. This shame comes from disgraceful conduct - and often this shame is related to sexual immorality and those who act without any wisdom. This shameful woman does not honor her husband or her Lord with her moral conduct - and in addition to this acts often without any kind of wisdom at all. These kind of actions make her like a rotting in her husband's bones. There is no stability given to him from her - and that which should hold him up, gives way into a crippling break of a bone. The excellent wife is the godly wife - the woman who first and foremost seeks to please and honor the Lord. She wants to bless her husband with her heart for God - but also desires to crown him rather than supplant him. As Proverbs 31 tells us, "She does him good all his days." Thus we see all the earthly and fleshly definitions of a good and godly wife fall to the wayside - only to be replaced with the biblical way of seeing a woman. If God has given to you such a wife - realize you have a rare jewel - a diamond and ruby of great value! Cherish her and praise her often for she will not usually be praised by our society. For those who read this - and are women - strive to be the woman God desires for you to be rahter than what the women's magazines promote. Reject the worldy woman who embraces feminism rather than femininity. Enjoy being a woman and enjoy your gender. It is God's gift to you - and a blessing you should cherish. Learn to see your role as God defines it in Scripture - because in the end, you will have to answer to Him on that day - not the NOW. |
Proverb a DayEach day, we'll take a look at a verse from the chapter of Proverbs for the day. Our hope is to gain wisdom each day - and from that wisdom - to have understanding to make godly decisions in the throes of everyday life. Thank you for visiting our website! Everything on this site is offered for free. If, however, you would like to make a donation to help pay for its continued presence on the internet, you can do that by clicking here. The only thing we ask is that you give first to the local church you attend. Thank you!
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